Today, my father said, “You’ve got to forgive him and move on.” “He doesn’t deserve to be forgiven!” I cried. “Don’t do it for him,” my father said. “Do it for yourself.” MMT

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and how exactly will you forgiving him help you get over whatever trauma he inflicted on you?

@ Mousey - It will allow her to move forward without holding a grudge. Nearly any psychologist will tell you that refusing to forgive is deeply harmful to you in the long run because you fixate on the issue and can't move past it. @ OP - you've been blessed with a very wise father. You're probably right that this person doesn't deserve your forgiveness, but neither does he deserve the continued power over your life that he'll maintain if you do hold a grudge. Kudos to your dad for recognizing that, and kudos to you for listening. Hope everything works out for the best for you.

But the two ideas are not mutually exclusive. Moving on is the key. Forgiveness is optional. You don't have to forgive to move on with life.

I think people are confusing the concepts of forgiveness and trust. You can forgive someone and still know that what they did was not okay. You can forgive someone and not trust them. If you loan your car to your friend, and they cause an accident with it... You will most likely eventually forgive them. Does that make what they did okay? Of course not. Would you trust that person with your car again? Probably not. I'm someone who has seen a lot of trauma... And this is how I see it. Not forgiving the people who have hurt me means that they still have power over me. They still control my thoughts, and they still dictate my actions. By forgiving them, my thoughts are much more free, as are my actions. I do not allow rage, guilt, or shame to control me. I think this is what the father here is referring to.

I think you're absolutely right, jasper8713. Forgiveness doesn't mean everything goes back to the way it was before (and often, things shouldn't go back to the way they were before). It just means you don't hold the person's actions against them and hold on to a grudge anymore. You don't have to go back and trust them again - that would be knowingly putting yourself in harm's way.

"To forget (forgive) is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."

I have a similar issue. I need to learn to forgive someone,so I can free my mind. Thanks for the quote rkim58.

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