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Today, I stared at the computer screen motionless in complete disbelief for several minutes when I saw that the man who raped me five years ago had joined a Facebook group I started for fellow rape victims. MMT

#12943 (10) - Feb 24, 2011 by monica - Miscellaneous - Yes, that made me think too! (2277) - No, that made me sleepy. (46)


Comments

 

...please tell me you contacted Facebook and had him both banned & removed from that Fb group.

This reminds me of all the terrible surveys of high school and college-aged students where many agree that there are circumstances in which one person can force another to have sex. Of course they didn't commit rape, they just got carried away, or they knew you really liked them and just needed a push, or you didn't really mean the screaming and punching... Well, CALL HIM OUT! This truly MMT and perhaps you should apprise the others in your group.

Guys, the point is that she is realizing that he was raped as well, which may have been why he thought it was okay to do that to someone else. Abusers were almost always abused themselves. She's probably in quite a moral quandary about this. On one hand the man is probably realizing a lot about himself and taking steps to become mentally normal. On the other hand, it's just not okay for them to be interacting without a safe mediator between them, and she may be triggered by his presence. Good luck in whatever you decide.

*Anybody* can join an FB group, not just raped: @jemma, you don't know he was raped--you assume it. Was he? Maybe so. But if I walked into an *actual* support group for rape victims and my rapist was in there? Do you think it would be healthy for me?

I don't think he wants to torment her. It's one of those things. SUPPORT THE TROOPS! DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE! RECYCLE! RAPE IS BAD! Rape is a man believing he has an entitlement to sex. He doesn't think about the girl he rapes.

It is also possible he is trying to recover and not torment her. We can only draw from the post that his virtual presence causes the OP intense discomfort, which is terrible, of course. We really dont know anything about him or why he joined the group.

What if the only reason that this man joined is so that he could befriend vulnerable women who he could target in the future?

Wow, I cant believe that this has turned this far into an argument. Almost all sexual abusers have been abused. And while they think about themselves instead of their victims joining those groups doesn't make them any less human. You're all looking down upon the man that raped the OP, but have you thought that he's been raped too? You're too busy to put the attack on him. Is it sad? Yes. Should she remove him? Probably. But what he did doesn't make him any less human.

Ever think he's looking for help? Maybe he's changed his ways and looking to support rape victims and spreading the world to prevent it. I dunno. I'd be a little weary too but I wouldn't want to just jump to conclusions.

That is incredibly sad. Obviously he is the aggressor in your situation which I hope he was punished for, but it really makes one wonder what happened to him to make him the way he is.

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