Today, my friend was clinically diagnosed with depression. Her problem is that she is romantically in love with someone who doesn't love her back. She's in love with me. And I do love her... but not like that. But I wish I did. Because I feel so terribly guilty. MMT

Comments

it's not your fault. you shouldn't feel guilty.

Go on one date with her and see if you can feel something. At the very least she will have had one date with you and known that you have tried. The most frustrating thing about loving someone who doesn't love you back is them not even considering you as a potential partner. I am in her situation with someone I love. And I could accept if we went on a date if there was no spark. But the fact she wouldn't go on a date hurts more. (And I am depressed about it also). Whatever you decide, it's not your fault, but understand how it must feel for her, and how you would want to be treated. Good luck :)

I am clinically depressed and I tried to convince myself that my depression would go away if my guy friend liked me back. It doesn't actually work like that. Depression is a lot more complicated than being caused by someone not liking you back. Do not feel bad or guilty about it. You like her as a friend and can be there as a friend, but her depression isn't caused by you.

RightKnight, I disagree. If you go on a date with her you could get her hopes up and risk damaging the friendship . Whether you will have meant to or not she will probably feel like you were leading her on. If there's no spark now when you guys are close friends, dinner and a movie is not going to change that. Just continue to be there for her as a friend and let time take its course.

i understand this completely. The girl i love doesnt want to be with me anymore,it feels terrible. But its best to not take the risk of ruining your friendship if you dont feel something for her back. trust me, sometimes its better to not let them have a taste of what they want, because when its taken away, you feel way worse

I was in the same situation as your friend. Depressed for months from the same conflict. But eventually I did get over him and we are still best friends. Don't feel guilty. The guy I was in love with did a lot more than just not love me back, and I still got over it. It's not your fault, I swear.

If she's clinically depressed, her problem is neurochemical, even if unrequited love sucks.

I was launched into an episode of clinical depression for about two years this way. You can't help the way you feel about her, and she can't help the way she feels about you. But the way she decides to feel about the situation is her own struggle, as it was mine. I would advise you to continue to love and support her through her depressive period. Give her space when she needs it, give her compassion when it's hardest to. The hardest, but most effective part of my treatment was to see that there are things to love in life besides the things we want but do not have. Help her to find the joy in her life which she already has. It's not an instant cure--those don't exist. But when you get in the habit of seeing more than what you want, and start loving that which you have, it makes the disappointments that much easier to deal with day by day. Life becomes beautiful, and love becomes plentiful.

Then don't be her lover. If you must be anything: "If, however, thou hast a suffering friend, then be a resting-place for his suffering; like a hard bed, however, a camp-bed: thus wilt thou serve him best." -Nietzsche, "Thus Spoke Zarathustra"

This gave me chills to read... it's that familiar. And I can't help but wonder if it's my best friend who wrote this, because that's the exact date I was diagnosed with depression.

And I was right. This is about me.

I think #3 is right. I thought I was in love in high school and spiraled into depression because it was unrequited. Now ten years later I am so thankful that I was unsuccessful in taking my life. I never would have learned that my own behavior & thoughts were hurting me deeper than my "true love"'s rejection. I learned to be a whole person by myself, and I resolved the things that were making me depressed and dependent on others' approval. #10, hang in there.

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