Today I realized that no matter how hard I try, my efforts to make friends always backfire. Here I sit, alone again, whilst those I thought were my 'friends,' enjoy the company of each other without realizing the pain they have inflicted. What saddens me the most, is that this seems to be a recurring theme in my life. MMT

Comments

You might be doing something that irrates, offends, or pushes other people away without realizing it. Or they might be immature and you'll have to wait a few more years to meet more open-minded people. Maybe talk to a therapist?

The common factor in your failed relationships is you.

I have a similar theme in my life. My best friends have all moved away and while I have a few very close friends in my current town, I still feel very lonely a lot of the time. I'm often left out of the loop or don't get invited to group outings or hang out times due to work or just forgetfulness. I've tried very hard to make friends as well, but it's difficult. I don't believe it's you or that this is your fault and it's not fair for lol337a to make those assumptions. Friendships are not always easy to attain or create, and they take time and energy-- time and energy that is not always disposable to us. Be patient, and I'm sure through time and our efforts we'll make more friends and create strong bonds and not feel so lonely. Just know that you are not alone in this :)

You aren't a character in a book. There aren't recurring themes in your life--only patterns you're trapped in. Clearly, you have trouble forming or keeping relationships with other people for some reason or another. Recognizing a pattern is quite important to breaking it. If doing that by yourself does not work, therapy is excellent for exactly that kind of thing.

"it's not fair for lol337a to make those assumptions" - That's's a fact, not an assumption. The common factor in alone's failed relationships is alone. To say that zie is not a common factor in zir own relationships is to say that zie wasn't in them. That makes no sense.

If they were your friends they wouldn't hurt you. You may want to broaden your horizons, maybe try something calming like deep breathing or yoga, it will help center you as well as making you feel better. Those people that keep leaving you, they are not friends. Friends stick around no matter how bad things get. I can tell you, at 25 I am married to my best friend but I have only three friends other then that, those people I absolutely depend on that would bend over backwards to help me if I needed it. That is what friendship is. You will find it, but first you need to work on finding yourself.

You remind me of one of my friends, who is constantly befriending people and losing them a few months later. I still haven't figured out a way to tell her that she's the problem, although after 20 years of living I think she's realized. I'm sorry, but you are the problem if this keeps happening. Now it's time for some introspection and changing of behavior.

I am in a similar situation right now. I moved a province over for school, and in doing so lost everyone that said they would 'keep in touch' with me. Now I've been living here for three months and while I've been joining quite a few activities in an attempt to make friends I've never been able to. My classmates do things among themselves, and I'm always left out, the same goes with anyone I meet over here...

Please ignore these ugly, hurtful, spiteful comments. These anonymous fools enjoy hurting people in pain simply because they can, and not face any consequence. I understand all too well what you feel, and for all my life, I always figured it was me; I mean that is also what my toxic family told me. But here I am, 37, and I realize I stand out because I love and respect people unconditionally. I always forgive, and I never seem to become jaded. I have spent an agonizing lifetime of being bullied, turned away from my family, and never being able to keep friends or relationships going. Sometimes, we have to look at a bigger picture, and I mean beyond this human life, and think "is there a reason this theme happens throughout my life? What I am supposed to learn?" When I think that perhaps there is a higher, celestial force that helped me through all the pain to this point, I find comfort in the fact that perhaps there is something bigger I am supposed to do. What these hurtful people are not getting, is those of us who usually cannot keep or make friends, usually do not learn the vital communication skills to interact with other people. In fact, we are usually being barraged at home as well. Who on earth could be functional and "normal" if you are never taught to love yourself, and that you are ok? It is only now, after finding sobriety, good therapy, and my precious wife, I realize for the first time, it was not just me, it was all of them as well, and it is ok. Please know you are beautiful, and you are a good person. And there are some of us out here who feel your pain, and send you love. Peace to you, my friend.

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