The important thing to remember is that when people make a major change in their lives for the sake of someone else but not for their *own* well-being it can end badly. My father went to AA when he found out my mother was pregnant with me but it wasn't for his own well-being.So when my mother divorced him he just took up drinking casually again. He didn't really change himself, he changed his life for others but when that crutch in his life wasn't around anymore he didn't see a reason to continue what he'd started. As someone who's had depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember I can tell you from a personal stand point that when we use another person (or anything really) as a crutch to continue on we're setting ourselves up for failure. We must do things for ourselves, that doesn't mean we have to do this alone or without support and assistance from those who love and care about us but rather that the changes we make have to be inward and using someone as our sole pillar of support is bound to fail. Your girlfriend was clearly unwell, she was troubled and you couldn't possibly have done anything to change her. It is unfair for us to put such great responsibility on others, she needed more help then you could ever have given her and clearly ever thought she needed in the first place. So often people throw around the phrases like "I am so depressed" when they're just feeling down, or claim that they'll die without someone or something when they're really not understanding the gravity of their words. You really could not possibly have known what to do in this situation and I highly doubt that you ever truly believed her words when such phrases are often romanticized and thrown around without any real weight behind them.
#1 - by Emmers
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It was not your fault. It. Was not. Your fault. We fall out of love with people. It happens. It doesn't make it our fault if they decide they cannot live without us. Their mental health was not your responsibility. But I know you're hurting more than that. You're hurting because you lost them, too, not just because you think it's your fault. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. But it was not your fault. As someone who's been on both sides of the fence -- if it wasn't you, it would've been someone else. Don't blame yourself. It wasn't up to you to look after them. And it was their choice, in the end. Don't think I'm demonising them; but don't demonise yourself either. Please. Hang in there. I know it's hard. You are loved. It's not your fault.
#2 - by Dustbuster
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It's not about you. Not that it isn't your fault. But suicide is too complex to be written off as heartsick women like so many MMT stories make it sound.
#3 - by antilegomena
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