If she really is the love of your life, she will learn how to forgive you. Everyone makes horrible mistakes. It's just the way humans are. But good people learn from those mistakes and don't repeat them. At the same time, it's completely okay to have your own secrets and keep them to yourself as long as you can accept them. Just remember, everything WILL be okay. It might just take time.
I think it's inappropriate to suggest that if a woman is just 'in love enough' with someone she's capable of overlooking their mistakes. That's crass and inappropriate. The 'love of his life' doesn't owe him her affection if he's truly done something to betray her, she does not owe him forgiveness and second chances. What this woman does is up to her, but to suggest that if someone just loves the other person 'enough' then somehow everything they do wrong becomes okay is absolutely absurd and offensive. Don't tell other people how they should feel, or if they're wrong in being upset with someone they care about doing something horribly wrong. Whatever the OP has done, they admit to it being an extraordinarily bad choice that threatens the foundation of a relationship between them and the woman they love. Relationships don't work like Twilight movies, when one person does something horrible the other person suffers for it. My well wishes are directed for her, not the OP.
#1, I totaly agree with you.
Just ask yourself if you have to tell her because it will make you feel better or because it's the right thing to do. If it really was a drunken mistake and she's the love of your life, why hurt her with the truth when the only person who will benefit is you (getting it off your chest). I made a stupid mistake many years ago and even to this day it haunts me and eats at me but that's the burden i must bare for being such a stupid twat all those years ago. Good luck, friend. I hope whatever you decide to do works out. Love is hard to find so fight for it with everything you have xxx
Agreed with #2. How about, "If YOU truly loved her, you wouldn't have made that drunken mistake"? Why is it only HER that's supposed to "truly" love you?
Drunkenness is no excuse. In fact, people say that drunk men's words are sober men's thoughts.
Furthermore, if a woman only forgives you because she feels she HAS to, because "if I truly love him I'll forgive him", it's not healthy. It just means she's suppressing her true emotions and that'll let it fester, and it won't enable the healthy option of talking it out, fighting about it, letting it be in the open.
True forgiveness is earned, is given, not taken. She will be angry. Yes, she will be angry. Let her be angry. Whether she forgives you or not is her decision.
And for what it's worth, I hope she does forgive you. But please, let her have that choice. Don't think that if she truly loves you, she'll forgive you, because she has to love herself too, and some people don't want to put themselves through the pain of being with someone who hurt them that much.
I agree with #2 & #5
My boyfriend cheated on me and I wasn't able to get over it, it hurt too much. To continue the relationship would of destroyed us both. If she is able to get over it than that is wonderful and I hope you both the best, but to say that it takes enough love to be able to get over it? That is wrong.
#4 You should be ashamed of yourself for telling OP to lie about it. He OWES her honest, and you owe your significant other honesty because lying about it makes it worse and denies them the right of knowing that you put them at risk of an STD.
I know you feel you should tell her the truth, telling her the truth relieves your guilt, it's for YOU, to make YOU feel better. Some things we should take to our graves rather than hurt the ones we love.
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