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Today, my aunt reminded me that I don't have a 12 year old and a 10 year old daughter. I'm 17 and I’ve spent the last 3 years raising my baby sisters while my mom spent most of her time passed out drunk. Now my aunt has custody, but I'm not sure how to be a kid again. MMT

#2128 (17) - Oct 26, 2009 by AlmostMommy - Sad - Yes, that made me think too! (4103) - No, that made me sleepy. (108)


Comments

 

Thank you for sharing. It means alot to me. More than you know. Good luck, and I say this wholeheartedly.

Honestly, raising them wasn't the hard part. It was letting them go to my aunt.

I know how you feel...I raised my older sister for 5 years...I still can't let her go. Congratulations on being so strong.

i just turned 17, my sister is 20, growing up, my mom was always drunk and my dad was always away on business so he wouldnt have to accept that our family was falling apart. i was 7 when my mom first started accusing my dad of raping me. by age 9 i had already been 'checked out' (down there) 5 times. they were all lies she was telling. my dad is in the military, so we moved every 2 years. my sister was always doing everyone that would do her. i always wished i had someone like you to be there for me. whether or not your sisters ever say it to you, let me just say that you are amazing. and you mean more to them then theyll ever imagine. you are gonna be a great mother one day

Very few people respect what I've done for them, so your support, even though you're strangers, means a lot to me. A few days ago I was talking with one of the social workers who said to me "If you had ignored them like a sister is supposed to, they would have showed obvious signs of neglect and gotten help sooner. You made them suffer through years of that, and it probably ruined their lives." That probably hurt me even more than leaving them. I spent all my time trying to protect those girls, and then was told I was wrong for doing it. And a friend of mine said more-or-less the same thing. I didn't think, though. I just did what I felt was right. I actually was eighteen though, and had been taking care of them for four years. I'm not sure why they changed the numbers. Giving them to my aunt gave me the chance to actually go to college, something I thought was going to have to wait. Unfortunately that meant moving away, and I only get to see my girls once every few months. I saw them again last week. They seem so much happier with my aunt than they ever did with me. I'm both happy for them, and feel a little jealous. I want to make them that happy. I'm rambling. Sorry.

I know exactly what you're going through, because I was in the same situation a few years ago, with only one sister much younger. It was the day before my fifteenth birthday, and she was three when we we're all finally removed from the home. My advice is - I'm assuming your attachment is strong to them, like mine to hers, so don't cut that completely. Still take care of them, but in the sense that you wipe their mouths if their a bit dirty. Don't reprimand them for misdeeds anymore, don't make their food, nothing. Be a sister. And explain to your aunt that it will take you a while and if you sever that connection too quickly without the slow drift from mother to sister, you could wind up with a lot of pain, resentment, and anger - and possibly even follow a similar path that your mother did. I promised myself I never would. Now I have something new to recover from. Take care sweet heart - I hope all the best for you, and I am absolutely willing and eager to hear more of your story if you're willing to tell it. -Katie

Oh and by the way, it's been almost four years for me - I will not lie, though the jealousy does fade, it seems to never actually go away. mine was so young she remembers nothing of what I did for her. It puts my stomach in knots to think I protected her for so long and now I have to prentend like I'm just her sister "for my mom's sake". Ugh. Once again, good luck hunny.

I'm an only child, so I can't even begin to personally relate, but I know my best friend has practically raised her 4 younger siblings and I admire her so much for it. I admire you too, and I know you're a great sister and one day you'll make a wonderful mom.

I cant stop crying =( youre an amazing person for what you did... and to think that not one person tried to thank you for what youve done.. instead youve been repremanded, you really didnt know what to do... you just did what was right in your heart. so thank you for taking care of those babies

I totally can relate. I spent two years taking care of my little brother... I started at 15 and now am 17. You grow up fast. I just now get the chance to act my age. It's difficult...i'm kinda failing at it.

Siblings who care are amazing! I helped raise my now 9 and 7 year old siblings but our story was a little different, as I was just watching them so my parents could work and put food on the table. Thank you for being one of the few who are helping change the stereotype of what a sister (or brother) really is. Maybe in the future a lot more siblings will be there for each other to love and protect...instead of fighting like cats and dogs.

You are inspiring, miss. I may be an only child but I recognize greatness when I see it. Whatever the social worker said, ignore it. You did it out of love. You sacrificed your childhood out of love. Nothing made out of love can ever be a waste. I'm sure they appreciate it, and they'll definitely remember you as their loving older sister. So don't look back...you did what your heart told you to do, and you had the strength to not waver. Not everyone has those guts. You are brave.

I can relate. I raised my brother and sister for four years, when they were very young - my sister wasn't even a year old, and my brother was three. They barely remember any of it, and their father has custody now. He provides for them, but they resent him, because he doesn't spend any time with them - he drowns himself in his work, because they remind him too much of our mother, who he loved and truly tried to save from her drug addiction. But it didn't work, and now she lives with the man who raped me when I was thirteen, and the kids practically live with their grandmother because their father refuses to be home more than one night a week. =/ The worst part? He thinks he's doing right, because with the money he makes, he rips them out of school - where they feel loved and accepted and are proud of their good grades and extra-curricular activities - for days at a time to take them on ridiculous, pointless, expensive vacations... and they don't even want to! They want to be in school, like normal kids, not missing work and falling behind. And he doesn't care, says they'll "get over it"... I could slap him sometimes, he has no respect for those children or their wishes. They're supposed to come up here this summer to see me, but he's making every excuse to come and "supervise" because he doesn't trust my husband and I to care for them. He didn't take the time to "supervise" when he was being a workaholic, my mother was getting wasted and leaving for days or weeks at a time, and I was in middle school, raising two children... and he's foolish to think that he's more of a father than I was a mother, just because he makes more money so they can have iPods and cell phones. =/ I'm sorry for your loss - it's the hardest thing in the world. Just keep loving them and make sure they know that, even if you're not raising them - that love remains, and will always remain, so show them in the ways you can now.

thank you for sharing! i think you did the absolutely right thing by taking care of them...i'm in the almost same situation..i've been helping to raise my siblings since i was 9, i turned 16 on saturday. Foro me it is because myparents are always working...but i don't think my siblings will ever understand what i've been put through, i've got three younger sibs, a little sister and two brothers and my sister was molested by a cousin of ours who lived with us at the time and since them, i've become so over protective of her especially, and i don't remember the last time i had a good nights sleep without tossing/turning or waking up three or four times...and this happened 6-7 years ago... if you would live to talk more about this, please feel free to e-mail me at: shiya_caleb@yahoo.com

Can sort of relate. I was always more responsible than my mother, and we were always moving around. I never got to be a kid. Now, I work when I can and try to maintain A's and B's to impress my foster parents. who really don't need impressing.

Wow, I feel like I wrote that. My dad always worked, and was always drunk and angry the odd time he spent at home. My mom is a drug addict who sleeps 18 hours a day. Changing diapers and making lunches was nothing compared to dealing with the complex emotional BS that came up as they hit their teens. I miss my brothers now but they need to grow up on their own. Also, I would have told that social worker to fornicate herself with a metal stick. Talk about out of line. >:(

I know how you feel. My mom and dad got divorced when I was 3, and when my sister was 5. We don't live with our dad, and our mom is a raging alcoholic. I'm 16 (sophomore in high school) and she 18 (freshman in college). Since our mom was always passed out, we were always helping each other out. But now that my sister is gone, I'm kinda scared and don't know what to do.

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