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Today, I realized that the worst part about the night I was raped is the way in which it has made every day since about that one night in my parent's and husband's eyes. MMT

#3175 (10) - Dec 22, 2009 by gale - Sad - Yes, that made me think too! (1236) - No, that made me sleepy. (169)


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It's true. Therapy can add insult to injury - "he took something from you, but you will feel whole again in time." What? I feel whole now. Parents want to keep you safe by holding you back, almost like punishing you for your own violation. Your boyfriend is afraid to touch you, is conflicted by thoughts of another man enjoying your body even against your will. And you addressed it all in a single sentence. You're amazing.

that is what i am afraid of. im a victim too, and i am very afraid to tell my parents.

Viva, you should be more afraid of letting your rapist get away with the crime and possibly (though probably) violating others. I told my parents because their support is more important than their sympathy, and it was a good practice run before sharing my story with the police. You need to tell someone, someone with authority, and seek justice before the legal window closes.

unfortunately, lichen, i was very young at the time and in another country. its far too late for any legal action, but i am taking your advice and talking to someone with authority. thank you.

My boyfriend has used it against me in fights. Don't let them victimize you. Don't let any guy victimize you. Or girl.

my younger sister was raped. It was only recently, in a passage from a book, that I processed that the reason people dread telling people about the darker parts of their past isn't always misplaced guilt - or not entirely. They worry that once the Thing is known, the person who knows will forever define them by that Thing, in whatever context. It has made me look back on the time when my family found out in a whole new light. The conversation between me and her that stands out in my mind the most is one where she said flippantly "my virginity, or what's left of it". My immediate response was "no. you're a virgin, there's no question about that."

This may sound dumb, but I've been there multiple times and when I told my boyfriend he was hyper-aware of my past and constantly worries about making me remember how it felt. The fact is that he didn't expect that to happen and, I've probably had more time to accept it than you might have, he is just scared and I have to let him work through it. Even though it happened to me, it happened to him too because he loves me. It's hard to get past but yesterday is the past, today is unfolding, and the future isn't guaranteed. So just let them work through it, work through it TOGETHER, and love the fact that you can say "I'm okay". PLH

Viva, I hope you get the support you need.

I was in a similar situation, as was my sister. We never said anything because we were afraid of being judged, but just this last summer we finally told each other...I think it hurt worse hearing that what happened to me happened to her too, and it's definitely created some conflicting emotions, but I never think of her as weaker. I actually think she's the strongest person I know.

This post struck me right down where it hurts. I've been there, too. The worst part is, that my husband has the best reasons and the best intentions when it comes to his hyper-awareness - when we first met, I was struggling with it in the worst sort of way, and I freaked out a few times. I still do, occasionally. But sometimes it feels like... the more he's aware of it, the more I'm aware of it. I know he can't just.. ignore it.. because he might hurt me, or something. But sometimes I wish that he would, just for a little while. As for the parents bit.. my dad asked me the other day if my husband is going to accompany me to college when I start in the Fall, and sit around and wait for hours while I'm in class. Why? Because on the way from the car to class and back (a two minute walk, if that), I might get grabbed and raped. If it had never happened, he wouldn't worry about something like that. I'm twenty, and I know how to defend myself. It's never been strangers who hurt me, anyway. It's people I trust. Sigh. I wish my own father would realize that the bad guy is rarely the guy in the trench coat and hat, looking shady with a box van full of candy and rufies. Sometimes I think DARE made it that much easier for rape and abuse to happen just the way it did to me - in the victim's own home, with no defenses.

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